break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
