so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we're making bets on your personal life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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