omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
