I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
