I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
