i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
