Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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