? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
