is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
