ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
