just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
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I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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