I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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