The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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