youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize