allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have already put on my inside pants.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
