mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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