Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
