I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Two words: blizzard sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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