Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
