y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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