that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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