You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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