I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
