pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
