o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
