Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
