i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
