I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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