we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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