I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
