you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
