Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize