We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
