and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
