just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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