i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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