Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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