Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Randomize
