my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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