Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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