my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
