don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
