I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
