You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
