I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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