I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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