just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
