I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize