He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
