Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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