No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
