It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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