those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
