good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
