We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
