Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The best revenge is premature balding
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
