I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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