its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
