I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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