I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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