please come you make the beer taste better
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
