I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
