So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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