If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
