I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
