i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
