Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
