Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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