Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
