My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i think i just lost a toe
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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