My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
