i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
