No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
