He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
