either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize