I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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